Week 3, Day 1
Heart: I’ve mentioned that I don’t seem to have a hobby. I am a hobby-hopper. I go from one to another fairly quickly, but return eventually. I’ll sew for a month and then take a six month hiatus. Then I’ll cross-stitch for a month and take a six month hiatus. Then I’m on to painting… etc. A couple of years ago I picked up a new hobby and kept it up for about a year. I started running. I trained for a half marathon and did it! Not exceptionally well, but I did it. Then I got pregnant and stopped running. While I was pregnant, my husband started running. In fact, he trained for and ran a full marathon. And he did it exceptionally well! I’m super proud of him!! However, I also feel a little bit like he stole my hobby. And not only that, but he swooped in, took my hobby, and is way better at it than I am! It took me a year to train for a half marathon and he trained for a full marathon in two months! Clearly, I own running and no one else is allowed to be better than me, faster than me, or even participate unless they have my permission… (can you feel the sarcasm) I know that feeling this way is entirely selfish and I need to learn to share my hobby with him. And I truly want to! I love the idea of having another thing to do together! But the truth is, I’ve avoided getting back into running partly because I’m embarrassed by how tough running is for me now that I know how great he is. I need to learn how to share running with my husband and not feel the need to compare. Because there is no comparison- he is and always will be a better runner than me. But, I don’t need to worry about that. I just need to be the best runner I can be!
Soul: I’m feeling pretty content today in terms of my soul. I didn’t get any new revelations today, but I had a good time with the Lord. I read Acts 7, which was a fun read, despite the whole stoning Stephen thing. I have always struggled with reading the Bible, but today God gave me joy in Acts 7. It’s a brief summary of Genesis, so it was interesting and familiar.
Strength: For years I’ve been wrestling with what steps to take in terms of my health. Do I start a new diet? I did cut out red meat as a starting point. Do I start a new exercise program? Over the past several days I’ve downloaded a couple of personal training apps. But what’s really been on my heart over the past two days is my children. One of the biggest reasons I want to lose weight and be healthy is for my children. I want them to have healthy habits and I don’t want them to struggle with body image like I do. I was telling my husband last night that my concern isn’t that my children will be heavy- I don’t care what they weigh. I just want them to be healthy and to know that they are fearfully and wonderfully made. What if my diet isn’t enough to teach them that lesson? What if how often I exercise isn’t enough? What if the biggest influence on how they feel about their bodies isn’t in how I eat or exercise at all? What if the biggest influence is in how I feel about my body? No matter what I say or do, the example I’m giving of body image is how I view my own body. Maybe the worst thing about my “screw the world, I’m on vacation” attitude isn’t that they might eat too much licorice with me. Maybe the worst thing is the message I’m giving that my body isn’t worth being healthy. Maybe worse than being heavy while they’re little kids, is cropping myself out of our family pictures. What if they look back someday and think, “So, there is a body that isn’t good enough…” Maybe instead of a new diet or exercise program, I need to learn to like me. I’m not saying I shouldn’t strive for healthy, because I certainly should. But, perhaps I need to hate myself less where I’m at.