Week 6, Day 2 (+2 pounds)
Heart: I’ve noticed a shift in my perspective as a parent over the past few months. I think this is primarily the result of leaving my job teaching math to be a stay at home mom. Not because being a teacher made me a bad mom, but because being home has changed my perspective. Teaching was my job and I put a lot of myself into it- I love teaching math and I will miss it dearly. But, with ‘Mom’ being my fulltime job, now I get to put way more of myself into it. All of what I used to give plus what I gave to my job teaching. I have so much more energy, brain power, and heart to pour into being a mom and I can tell that I’m different. I’m much more patient, I tend to yell less, and I have way more fun with my kids. I don’t get it right all of the time, not even close. But, I’m getting better more often. I’m excited to continue to grow and change as I navigate this parenting thing. It’s tough, but it’s pretty incredible, too!
Soul: Today I’m still reveling in my newfound realization that God wants to be so much more than just a mountaintop experience every once in a while. He wants to be my day in day out, running errands, folding laundry, grocery shopping God. He wants every day with me, not just the good ones. It seems unfathomable that He would want to be with me, but even more so that He wants to be with me at my worst! I used to think likening my walk with Christ to a romantic relationship was weird, but I’m starting to see how closely they’re linked. Not so much in terms of romance, but intimacy. There is no one in this world that I’m close to in the same way I’m close to my husband. He’s the only one who sees all of me. Jesus likening our relationship to that of a romantic relationship might be His way of saying ‘I want to see all of you. I want the ups and downs. I want you to turn to me when you’re in pain and I want you to share your joys with me. I want you to share everything with me and I promise to love you anyway.’ Yep, sounds a little bit like wedding vows.
When I was a little girl dreaming about being married someday, I spent a lot of time thinking about the big, life-changing days. The proposal, the wedding day, holding our children for the first time. And those days have been the absolute best of my life. But, equally important in my dreams of my life were the days that I imagined snuggling up, drinking a cup of coffee and reading a book while my husband kicked up his feet and worked on his computer. Or sitting on our porch, watching our neighbors stroll by while we had a cup of tea. Neither of those situations are life-changing, neither even require talking. But, now that I’ve experienced them, they are some of my favorite memories… ever! I adore being with my husband, even when we just sit quietly next to each other. My love for him is so deep and I know that his love for me is, too. So I don’t necessarily need the reassurance of doing something or even saying something. I just like being in his presence. How has it taken me this long to realize that Christ’s desire for our relationship is exactly that?
Strength: Ugh, I’ve been using the Fitbit, tracking what I eat, adding stairs and walking and I’m still up a pound! I know I said I’d give myself grace over these next several months (even years) as I journey, but it’s hard. Right now all I feel is frustration and a desire to say, “Screw it”. However, I feel better than I did 6 weeks ago because I’m at least conscious of my health and putting in an effort to get healthy. If I wasn’t blogging there’s a good chance I would just stop trying right now at the lack of results, but I’m going to keep at it because I know it’s healthy and that, deep down, is really my desire. Losing weight is just a benefit (if it happens).