Week 11, Day 3
Heart: I was talking with my Journey Group this week about having children. My husband and I have decided that we’re going to stop at three. We feel like our family is complete and don’t feel as though we’re being called to have more children. It’s such a bittersweet decision. On the one hand my baby girl is going to be six months old tomorrow, she’s growing up so fast, and this is my last one. This is last time I get to enjoy these miraculous firsts! On the other hand, though, I feel so free to enjoy life where we are. I have spent so much of my life living for the next season. As a child I couldn’t wait to be a teen, as a teen I couldn’t wait to be in college, in college I couldn’t wait to be married, as a wife I couldn’t wait to be a mother… you get it. But, even as a mother I couldn’t wait to have another baby, to complete our family. And now it’s complete. I don’t have to look forward to what comes next, because I have it all. Right here, right now. I get to pour myself into the present as much as I can and let tomorrow be what God makes it. It’s not going to be easy, I’ve certainly trained myself to crave what’s next… but I am super excited for the here and now!
Soul: I haven’t been getting much ‘me’ time in the mornings recently, partly because it’s a busy time of year. But I find that all aspects of my life take a hit when I don’t get to do a quick workout, have coffee with Jesus, and blog about what’s on my heart. I feel like I’m treading water and it’s getting exhausting. At some point either our schedule has to slow down, or I’m going to have to reevaluate said schedule. I thought taking work off of my plate would make it infinitely more open… and yet it seems that everything else just increased to fill the space. I’m beginning a college course on the Gospel next week and am super excited about the chance to dive into the Word of God and learn! It’s on a night that is already busy, so it doesn’t add to our schedule. I’m praying that it will be soul-filling, rather than draining.
Strength: I’m in such a funk right now… we’ve been so busy that even with my meal plan a lot of nights we’re in too much of a rush to eat what I had planned. I’ve been wanting to exercise more (like a real, honest desire), but I’m so stuck in my head right now that I feel unable to actually make it happen! It sounds so silly… if I want to do it, just do it, right? But for some ridiculous reason there’s something blocking my way. I feel like there’s an invisible wall and I just can’t seem to push past it. Fortunately, being able to write it down helps bring to life what’s going on and will hopefully help me kick it into gear. I feel as though I’ve made no progress which makes me want to give up. But when I look back over the past 3 months, we are eating significantly healthier… I guess I just have to keep reminding myself of that. Over and over and over again. Until I believe it.