Week 11, Day 5
Heart: I am married to the most amazing man in the entire world. Maybe a lot of wives say that, but seriously… if you only met him you’d know. As I’ve mentioned before, his personality kind of resembles that of Mr. Spock- he’s super rational, even when everyone around him is drowning in emotion. I, on the other hand, more closely resemble a trapeze artist with my extreme emotional mood swings. The past few days have been trying as a parent, and I’ve taken it so personally and reacted way too emotionally. But my husband has been my rock. He’s helped bring everything back into perspective. He’s reminded me, without even realizing it, that I get to help teach my children how to make good choices, but ultimately the choices are their own. I can’t own their choices, I can just prepare them to make good ones and help them sort through the consequences if they don’t. It’s such a hard lesson for me, because their choices are a reflection of how we’ve raised them.
What I have to remember is that the process of training them up, allowing them to fail, and then adjusting the way we parent is good parenting. No one knows how to perfectly parent their children from the get-go (primarily because every child is different), but what we can do is learn to parent through the process of parenting. As our children learn to navigate this huge world, we can take notice of how they see the world, how they process things, how they learn and use that to differentiate our parenting so it’s more beneficial for them. If we never give them the freedom to explore the world on their own and make their own choices, we risk missing out on those special moments that we can learn to better parent our children.
Soul: I read a blog yesterday from someone who’s been through body image struggles and is on the healing side of the process. As I read her blog, I realized that one of my biggest mistakes has been thinking that, since I got myself to this point I have to get myself out alone. I just wrote about allowing my children to make their own choices, but wanting to be there to help them navigate the consequences of poor choices, so they don’t have to do it alone. I know I can’t stop the consequences from happening, but I love my kids so much that I want to walk through the process of healing with them. Yet, I seem to think that where God is concerned He’s going to let me make poor choices and then leave me alone to deal with the fall out. Why is it so easy to forget that He loves me and He want to be part of my journey to healing? Let’s be honest here, He is my journey to healing. I can’t do it by my own power, that’s exactly why I am where I am. I’ve been relying on me and I just can’t do it by myself. I need to stop thinking that my punishment is having to navigate this alone and, instead, ask Him to step in on my behalf. He is good and He loves me, what am I so afraid of?
Strength: Realizing that my struggle is mine, but I don’t have to bear it alone is super freeing! As of yet, I haven’t had much of a chance to see what it looks like to walk this journey with Christ. All I know at this point is I feel hopeful… and that’s one of my favorite feelings. I’ve been feeling very hopeless and lost in this journey. But that’s because I was trying to do it alone. Today I feel like I have direction and someone to walk with. So off we go!