MFM: Week 49, Day 3

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Week 49, Day 3 (-30 pounds)

Heart: This week was a big one for this Momma and wife. Banayner finished first grade and is headed into second! I can’t believe he’s going to be 7! He struggled at the beginning of the year to really enjoy reading. He wanted to read fast, but since he’s just learning he was slow. He’d usually just want to quit because he couldn’t read as fast as he wanted. But, as the year progressed, he improved so much and got so much faster!! He absolutely loves to read, now! In fact, when he wrote about his favorite this he learned this year, he put “I learned that I am a great reader!” As a mom, is there anything more wonderful than watching your kiddo overcome something difficult and feel pride at their own accomplishment? He didn’t look to me to tell him that he had done great, he knew! He didn’t ask me if I was proud of him, he told me that he was proud of himself! How cool is that?!

2017-06-16 08.17.18

As a wife, I got to support my husband as he did his second triathlon last weekend. He and a friend did a 70.3 course (1.2 mile swim, 56 mile bike, and 13.1 mile run). He did such an amazing job!! Our kiddos came at the end to cheer him on and celebrate with him afterward! To stand back and watch the inspiration he is to our children is beyond anything I could have ever hoped for. To see our kiddos be so excited for him, encourage and celebrate his victories, and talk about the races they want to do someday… I am one very blessed woman!

Soul: Our church is doing something fun and new this summer. We’re having a BBQ at church every Wednesday evening. We’re going to do a hot dog dinner, play tons of yard games, and just hang out and get to know our neighbors. This feels like a big step in faith, because none of us has any idea what it’s going to look like, or who God’s going to bring. But, we’re super excited to see what He has planned!

Strength: I’ve been looking at before and after photos and reading about the weight loss journeys many others have taken. I’m trying to use it as motivation. I don’t feel like I’m about to quit, but I figure that finding extra motivation along the way, while I’m still feeling great, might help prevent reaching the point of wanting to quit. As I’ve encountered these stories, I’ve noticed they all seem to have an “ah-ha” moment. They talk about the realization of something, which caused them to choose to change everything. But, rarely do they talk about the struggle throughout the process. Sure, they mention their tips and tricks to avoid cravings or get out of a plateau. But, I’ve noticed that for the most part, it sounds like once they decided it was time to change, that was it… they never questioned or doubted it.

And here’s the problem, I doubt… big time! I’ve lost weight before, I’ve made the decision to lose weight, started the process, lost 40 or 50 pounds and then gained it back. So, what’s going to make this time any different? I can give you my moment of realization. The moment I decided to change myself was the moment I learned what Insulin Resistance was and discovered that I have it. It was the moment I realized that my body wasn’t functioning correctly because I wasn’t fueling it properly. But, it’s not like once I made that decision, I realized that this time was going to be different. I hope this time is different. I feel different this time around. But, I’m struggling with massive amounts of doubt. There’s this voice inside of me, mocking me, asking why I think this time is any different. Why would I think I’m capable of anything more than I’ve done in the past?

When I started this journey, it was because I couldn’t find a book about weight loss that addressed these terrifying, sabotaging, but all-too-real fears and doubts. There are so few people who talk about this feeling, myself included. It’s way more fun to blog about how great I feel most of the time. About this new, dare I say it, desire to exercise! About the progress I’m making toward my goal. It’s terrifying to put out there for anyone to read that I’m scared to death that I’m going to fail … That I might let myself down and give legitimacy to that voice in my head. But, it’s real, it’s true, it’s part of the journey.

And I wonder if the way to defeat that voice, is to address it head on. To acknowledge the doubt and fear. Then to remind myself of all the wonderful reasons to keep going. Maybe this time will be different because I’m different. Maybe this time will be different, because I won’t let fear and doubt hold me back. Maybe this time will be different because I’ll allow fear and doubt to be part of the process and deal with them, rather than try to ignore them and let them gather strength. Maybe this time I’ll allow myself to see what I’m truly capable of.

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